Be patient. Be kind. If not, flip off.

April is Autism awareness month. I have been aware for a while. My son, who I will identify as the Boy, has Asperger's ( a high functioning form of Autism) so I am fully aware whether I want to be or not. The problem with me being aware is that I assume that others are as well. So here are some things that I can share:

1. I did not ask for this diagnosis, he was diagnosed by a Pediatric neurologist. Did I want it to be true? No. What I wanted was to understand my child and be able to help him. That path led us to his diagnosis. This was a long process that spanned from the age of 2 up until 5. 

2. Is autism real? Or is this the new thing to get your kid diagnosed with? No. The challenges faced by these children are very real. And frankly. Diagnosis = services. Without a label, my child would not be eligible for services (occupational therapy, speech therapy) he has needed. I am grateful that the Boy is high functioning. Which for him, means he is a math genius, he can read way beyond typical age ability, he can communicate. I don't take any of that for granted.

3. So what's wrong with him?  He tends to speak in a loud, monotone voice a lot which scares kids off. Not his classmates though, because they and their parents are freakin' awesome.  He has social difficulties. He has difficulty reading social cues, and when he is anxious he starts to show what you would probably recognize as Autism. He will flick his fingers repeatedly while rocking, while looking at the floor, struggling to gather his thoughts to form words. There's more but you'd have to move in to understand.


4. No two kids with Autism are alike. The pediatric neurologist told me that the Autism spectrum was broad and that each child is unique. There is no cure and no hand book. I, like other parents, am just winging it.

5. If you are in the supermarket and a kid just starts bugging out and your brain is telling you to say something unkind. STOP. If your eyes want to roll in their sockets while you smirk. STOP. Asperger's is invisible. There will not be an outward sign telling you that Autism is to blame. A child's meltdown or behavior can be a result of sensory overload or some other trigger. Your advice on how your mother just used to look at you and you knew to behave, doesn't help. It aggravates.  And personally pisses me off. Be forewarned. Instead, offer help carrying bags or putting items on the conveyor belt, if not mind your own. For real.

That was really more for me than you. I was dying to get that off my chest. Before you judge a child or a parent struggling with a child, think that they may be going something you cannot grasp. You don't have to know what's going on in order to be patient and kind.